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  • Emma Dalenberg

11.10.21 - The Dinonugget Edison

365 days of free writing for 30 minutes, Day 4


Look you guys, this might be controversial, but I'm going to go ahead and say it.


I think Dinonuggets are too clever to have been a human invention.


Yeah, you heard me. First, the aliens made the pyramids, and then they made the Dinonugget.


We all know what Dinonnugets are right? Feel the pang of nostalgia in your kidneys? In that case that you lived a deprived childhood and/or haven't visited a grocery store since 1993, I'll explain what the Dinonugget is.


...wait okay...pause on this idea.


I just did some research to try to find out who invented the Dinonugget, haven't figured it out, but man this is a sentence I would like to launch off of:


"Robert Baker is something of a chicken Edison," The New York Times reported in 1984 in discussing the transformation of the industry. *1


THE CHICKEN EDISON! I GET WHAT THEY MEAN, BUT LIKE, WHAT IF THERE WAS A CHICKEN THOMAS EDISON. NOT NECESSARILY A CHICKEN THAT INVENTED ELECTRICITY, BUT A CHICKEN THAT DID SOMETHING SUPER REVOLUTIONARY. I THINK THE CHICKEN EDISON IS THE FIRST CHICKEN TO DO THE ROOSTER NOISE ON TOP OF A BARN. CHICKEN EDISON, FOREVER MEMORIALIZED BY CHICKEN SHAPED WIND SPINNERS.


Anyways, let me figure out who debuted the Dinonugget. The Dinonugget Edison, if you will.

...

I'm making progress. I don't know who the individual was, but "U.S. government’s patent and trademark office reveals that Perdue Chicken submitted a trademark for a Tyrannosaur-shaped nugget on February 7, 1991" *2


That's 2 years before Jurassic Park came out. Dinosaurs were really having a moment in the early 90s huh. It's true that artists don't get the recognition they deserve until they die isn't it...


Alright so according to Perdue Chicken, "We believe that we did invent them.” *2


The conclusion here is that I don't know who invented the Dinonugget, but really, that doesn't matter. Back to the point - Dinonuggets are too clever to have been invented by humans.


Clever, and cold-blooded.

Dinonuggets are relatively evil


Chickens are the closest living descendants of dinosaurs,

and we're just mashing them up

and serving them in the shape of their grandparents


And by that logic


Dinonuggets are actually dinonuggets

Like if there was going to be a dinosaur nugget

That's what it would taste like

And look like

I'M DIPPING HISTORY IN BBQ SAUCE TONIGHT BITCHES!


They're too clever. Aliens did that shit.






*Sources:



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